What If

I sometimes wonder if I close my eyes
And wish really hard
When I open them you'll be standing there
Maybe its a dream
The fact that I really do care
Its easier to imagine what if
Than to have an actual ending
The finality of those plans
The ones we made so deep in love
The dying flames, angry it burns
Taking residence in my heart
To hard to say I am sorry
Tears are mysterious to me
They never mean
What you'd like to say
They make you seem weak
Like somehow you might break
Looking at you, a vision in a mirror
Kiss me before I melt away
I'm not more than what you say
A fleeting memory
Drained of what I once was
Fading under the bright lights
Under resistance I shake
Will is unintended
I stand firm in my convictions
Even when they get in the way
Maybe I'm stubborn
This is just me striped down to the surface

Someplace

Wild in my heart
Where it runs free
Always busy telling me
Its time to leave
To repair whats been broken
Filling whats run dry
To find whats been lacking
But I don't really know
What I've forgotten
Checklists runs miles
Keep me from sitting still
Signs telling me dead end
Warnings lay ahead
Turn around facing the past
I want to be someplace
Where no one knows my name
To get lost while finding myself
I thought everyone was the same
But to my surprise we're all different
Happiness lays in the strangest of places
Sometimes the smallest of spaces
Finding your own is not impossible
You just have to follow the roads
That lead back to the center of you
The seeds have been planted
The roots they run deep
Not where our dreams go to die
But to thrive
Make us reach higher strive for better
To be better,
Then what we are today

Truth Is

Accept it or not
I really don't care
I give you what you need
Not what your looking for
Being honest is all I've got
Instead of being sucked into
Your web of pain
Self pity try some self worth
Take a moment to figure it out
Move on, step forward
If its worth rearrangement
Or just throw it away
Stop being indecisive
Relaying on others to lead
Lighting up the path
Its never that easy
I'm sorry to say
sometimes you need to let go
Before it fades away
Some people are anchors
While others let you fly
Sometimes its to late to figure out
Who is what they say
While others go back on words
Stealing away all you precious time
Some are not always worth what they say
While others are more
Not given nearly enough credit
Deciding who is who
And which one you are
Can sometimes be misleading
Convinced if we are forgiven
That our pasts are somehow
Erased or rewritten
Maybe I'm wrong
Its possible you are right
But that's left for you to figure out
All on your own

We Need a Change

Happiness wrapped with a bow
Sits on your door step alone
Out in the world
Where others go
Pushing shoving
The whole day through
Money doesn't equal out
Those that have
Those that don't
No in between
In this place we live in
Children starve,cancer thrives
Tears run dry
Hearts remain broken
But you don't see
what hides behind their eyes
The smiles they fake so well
No home to live in
No security in the bank
Living day to day
While others have homes
For every season of the year
There are those who sleep under stars
Cold and scared
Holding themselves together
While the government gives breaks
To the ones who don't need any
We misunderstand the politics of it all
Foreclosure signs line the streets
Of once beautiful neighborhoods
Chow lines wrap around the corner
I cannot comprehend the sadness
That others carry
Helping neighbors
Since the men that get paid to
Turns their backs
Letting others dictate their actions
We pay for other countries to eat
While our people cannot
Growing up I believe this happened in cities
But here I am reality sets in
It can happen anywhere
The sick staying sick
No health care
Cannot afford the medicine
That may cure what ails them
The old work till they drop
If they are lucky enough to find a job
Everything out sourced
So the rich can save a dime
When all we have are pennies
The gas prices rise
People who work for minimum wage
No longer can afford to get to their jobs
Its cheaper to stay home collecting welfare
Before the funds run dry
We're crying out for a change
To be taken to a new place
where we can all feel safe and secure
Who says money doesn't buy happiness?
The people who never went without anything

I Believe

I believe in dreaming
No paper Gods for me
I live for myself alone
I love because I want to
Not because I am suppose to
I pull it together when I need to
Learning my lessons as I go
I express when lease expected
My hearts not made of glass
Or made of stone
But I still stand guard over it
Protecting it from your elements
Stop trying to take
What I'm not willing to give
Stop pushing me
I don't believe in
What you want me to
These foreign words
Are so unknown to me
I don't make promises
I don't intend to keep
The slightest twitch of hand
May send me running
My decieving ways
Tend to be overlooked
Making my lies your reality
I'm not one to give in
Or give up very easily
Unable to make the right connection
Mind and heart
Stand apart
Hoping they will discover one another
Over time I assume things will fall into place
Leaving it to a fate
I no longer believe in

Figuring it Out

The well has run dry
I reach for the words
To release this pain
That fills the void
Helping me to escape
The everyday life
That leaves me feeling alone
The walls closing in
Pressing up against me slowly
Making an exit impossible
Even when I am at my strongest
My walls shake, crumble
And eventually fall
Leaving me exposed
Expressionless I lay
Searching for safety
I tend to bluff
When things go wrong
Keeping details to myself
Of my undoing, unraveling
Right before your eyes
Silently keeping it hidden
Its my own disgrace
A tragedy in its finest
Sort out whats important
Throwing away unnecessary things
That have held me back
When is the best time to stand
For all I thought I believed in
Its a test of will
Resulting in failure
I'm afraid to finally admit
I do not have a clue what I am doing
And how I have gotten here

He knocks

There was a crow
knocking at my door
He brought a feeling
To me was unknown
While I wished him to go
He remained there
Watching, waiting
For what
I am quite unsure of
His movements slow and sleek
His beetie eyes starring me down
To my very soul
Like xray vision
He knew I was alone
I am sure I've seen him in a dream
Taking his time
He taps again
Eagerly waiting for my answer
What does he expect
Has he come to take me away
To follow him into the unknown
Shoo bird just leave me here
At least for another day
I am unsure I can take much more
Your insistent knocking
Please just go away
Lets not play this game today
Your rapping sends shivers
Down my spine
You are no longer welcomed here
Your driving me mad
The constant tapping
Even though the thought scares me
I open the door and what I expect
Is not what I am given
He takes flight off my doorstep
Smoothly he expanse his wings
And I learn something new
Sometimes a bird is just a bird

Lays Between Us

The ocean of mattress lays between us
Swim against the flannel sheet dreams
Just trying to reach out to you
The nightmares suck me back in
Leaving me restless and tired
Wrapped in blankets of down
Filling this empty room
Sunlight bounces off the mirrors
Making windows where there were none
Brilliant light surrounds us
Shadows fall by the way side
Believing is the only truth we need
No place I'd rather be
I refuse to crawl out of bed today
As long as we have each other
We need nothing else
Days when thunder echoes
Turn off the phone
Hide the remotes
Unplug the clock
Bring me in closer to you
Enjoying this moment made just for us
Close the door, draw the shades
Lets forget yesterdays misunderstanding
Its lost all meaning as the day passes
And we remember why its just you and I

So Long Ago

Rewinding time
Replaying those innocent moments
That got us from place to place
At that time you were so hard to resist
Standing behind the fallen trees
We had our first kiss
Seems like yesterday
But somehow its turned into years
You used to play your music
I'd sing along making it up
As I went along
Now you are gone from the world
I am sad for your loss
As I remember walking the streets
Hand in hand
Friends before we were more
Somehow I missed you
Drifting further away
Turning into a man I didn't know
Friendship turned to dust on a shelf
I catch my breath thinking
I'll never run into you again
At random locations
We'd laugh, talking for hours
Rambling on about nothing important
All those time running through my head
Once you were my best friend
Then you kissed me
Sending us in a new direction
It took all these years
And you passing
For me to realize
You made an small impact on this life I have made
We grew up
We fell apart
Closing a chapter so we could both move on
I just wanted you to know
I thought of you today

Maybe I Am

Maybe I'm a dreamer
Is that the worst thing to be
I sit waiting to be enlightened
Maybe these visions
Are the future I am seeing
Its a possibility its nothing more
Than a glimpse of the past
Is it an illusion
Just a delusion
Using my imagination
To make this world a pretty place
I'm not oblivious to reality
But this day dream is such a wonderful place
Meant for the impossible
To suddenly be feasible
Illuminating the way for others
Those who feel defeated
What does it cost to dream
When there is nothing left
No one should be disappointed
If their hopes fall apart
During these travels
Its common to become unraveled
So hard to remain positive
When something you've worked hard for
Rusts,
Turning to dust in your hands
Crumbling your faith in yourself
I dream to stay awake
To keep living
To burn brighter than the day before
The fear of not succeeding
Doesn't keep me from going on
Its the thought that I will one day
Become everything I have hungered for
I can feel it in my bones
That it lays ahead of me
Somewhere
I will keep dreaming
Creating new ones daily
Till I find my way there

Do You Dare

Pick me
Loose me
Entrapped in an impossible situation
Living so seriously
Mixed emotions
Leave you confused
Running hot then cold
Testing limits
Pushing you away
Pulling me in
Are you willing to pay the price
That loving me will cost
Is it worth what you'll possible loose
I will tear apart what you believe
Build myself up
While wreaking all you've saved
I'm not afraid but you should be
I take and don't return
Sharing is caring
I never allow myself to make that mistake
I may fall for you
But that's something I'll never let you know
The games I play
Keeping you guessing
Whats around the next bend
Mood swings have you running in circles
It amazes me the hoops you'd jump through
But breaks my heart that that I cannot do the same
Your so giving and loving
A heart so big there is room for everyone in there
While I'm selfishly hiding
Breaking my own rules for you
Allowing myself to feel for someone
Other than me
Is this growing up
Or have I gone ahead and fallen for you

Time For You

Early in the morning
I will rise to watch you sleep
So close to you
Almost like living in a dream
I've spent my time
Just watching you breathe
You know me
Better than I do
My words escape from the tip of my tongue
To your lips
Making this all seem to surreal
Titles just complicate
I always knew you'd be mine
Without the label I remain true
My heart has been locked down
Making only promises I know I can keep
Love rises and falls
The truest never comes to an end
I carry only what I intend to keep
That's why your still here
Keeping me company
Recovering me
from the places in between
The lost and the found
I bend
Giving way to my heart
Access for you alone
remains of lovers past
Lay about
Distant memories
Making room
For only you to exist

Empowered

Tied together with paper string
Nothing new
Begins with something old
Closure doesn't bring relief
It stalks me
Running its course
Apologies are never enough
To make this seem sound
I didn't ask you to come here
I never told you to stay
Your words seem so rehearsed
Acting as if I'm blind
To the fact you've trampled my heart
And pushed me out of place
So quick to point a finger
Never taking care of your blame
Hanging others out to dry
For your own wrong doings
How can you compare my tears
To the emptiness you bring
I believed we could change
That we'd have our happy ending
Caught in this vicious web
Be a man, suck it up
Take ownership to your mistakes
I'm not here to amuse you
And you've retreated to old behavior
You'll eventually choke on your lies
They will catch you by surprise
Taking you out at your knees
You'll be at my feet
Asking once again for my forgiveness
Giving me a new chance
To turn my back and make you disappear

Changing

Where the sun ends
and the moon begins
Rocking
Gently swaying in the breeze
Flowers reaching high
discovering strength
Power of suggestion
Mind over matter
Changing the wind
Completing the pattern
Such a long way from home
Hoping for a little luck
In this sea of mistakes
Its not for you to decide
Whats wrong and right for me
I see the times
I should have looked back
And those I should have focused
On the roads that lay ahead
Notes fell flat
Out of tune
Days are long
Nights grow short
Next thing you know your gone
Watching the distance grow less
An everlasting chase
Till my time expires
I keep trying
To remain positive
Through out the storm
To out run the rain
Trying to not focus on the pain
That life brings
When there is so much beauty
Throwing away all clocks
Living in the moment
That best fits me
That brings me joy and love

New Direction

Mixing oil and honey
taste of bitter and sweetness
my world quickly changes
gritty like sandpaper
concentrating on lacking feelings
Worried about the end result
All those simple things
I cannot change
Rapid heart beat
Keeps me awake
Taking so many away
Erased so easily like a pencil
Making me feel so misplaced
Heart full of stone
Eyes made of jewels
Sparkle like the stars
I keep trying to carry out
The mission of happiness
I disappear
Camouflaged in the cracks
My mood sour
Like the words you say
Moment of weakness
Stepping on my hands
Loosing my grip
Circling this drain
The ship remains afloat
Giving me hope
Bringing me courage
Through the darkness
Heading in a new direction
Aimed towards the light
From a new day
The waves
Crashing against the shore

In Between

Black and white
No blending
No grey area
Where things come together
Relying on the peace within
I pray, I meditate
I hope for these thoughts to float away
Unchain me
From this haunting melody
Wearing thin
Cheapening my beliefs
Trading them in
For something solid
Something I can touch, that I can see
To make it that much more real
Your heart believes this to be true
But mind tells me different
I'm not buying what your selling
Take it to an other's door
Suck them in with your stories
I don't mean to judge so quick
My head defeats your words
Making myself the only thing I can trust
I'll remain in this limbo
Waiting on the next train
That might reach me
Maybe prove that these aren't lies
Until then I'll remain on the side
Taking my time to come to your truth
If I make it there I'll join you for a drink
If not I'll simply just be asleep
Mixing with dirt for eternity

Wishing Wells

Wishing wells full of pennies
Empty hopes
Resting on the bottom
Messages lost
Dreams forgotten
Tossed away
Dropping into the cool waters
When life cost to much
Pennies is all we have
Four leaf clovers
Horse shoes
Symbols of luck
Bringing you closer
Helping you to believe
You can reach your dreams
Shooting stars
Disappear into the unknown
Just like hopes
Dancing in the dark
Lighting its way
Making it all seem possible
Secret wishes we hold
Resting on these ideas
That anything can happen
Big or small
There are things we silently
Reach for
Taking just for ourselves
Hoping,dreaming, wishing
For the impossible
To be ours
To be true