Ticking Time

The clocks been ticking down
From the moment I was born
I've always been a touch of a dreamer
Imagining there would always be time
To start this life over
To change the winds direction
I've been busy floating along
Going with the current
That gently pulls me away
While others have planned
Out the future
That I am unable to look forward to
Stuck inside myself
Willing the words to rise
Hoping they won't complicate
Whats been felt
I've been floating
Off in the atmosphere
Waiting for a lifeline
To bring me back in
To realize the world will spin
Even after I have gone
That I am just a speck
In a moment in time
Waiting to be uncovered
Among the rest
As the dust settles
My heart is busy pulling me
In any direction but the right one
Since the day I discovered
I  am powerless to these thoughts
That retrace my last steps
They lead me away
From the me I used to be
Waking in a foreign country
Unable to speak or understand
A single word
I am more than this skin
That I feel buried in
Misunderstood and confused
for someone else
That I could never really be
Yes there is way more to me
And this is not the end

A New Home

Maybe I've been wrong
For always thinking I was right
I waited for you to walk away
To make sure mine was the last word
Just so I could say I was the winner
I was to busy to realize I was on the loosing end
I push buttons
When I ought to give up and give in
I push till there is no room left
I know I'm flawed
From wearing my heart upon my sleeve
For so long, I let others dictate my feelings
That I've masked the true me
When you loved me it was the part
That you saw, only in glimpses
I never fail to make a scene
But when I'm loving
You know its all been just a front
The strength you carry
is something that I truly admire
The reality should have set in by now
That you wish to stay
When all I've done is push
And run away
I've put you through hell
And with every test I have failed
But you keep coming back
When I'm scared and don't know what to do
I find myself turning to you
Maybe this does mean you've won
The heart that once was made of stone
Beats once again
And calls to you
Its new home
Where the old meets the new
Giving me hope that yesterday is over
And today has just begun

YesterYear

Trying to protect my heart
While time passes
And I strain to focus on the good
That this world may yet hold for me
If tears were money
I'd be a millionaire
I could wish we never met
I would have never known the joys
I always felt with you
Even though you are no longer here
The memories we shared
The moments you made me feel you cared
The bittersweet songs
That remind me of the stories we would tell
You gave me the words of wisdom
The strength to move on
But I don't see you today
Your memories they fade
No matter the imprint you made
On my youthful heart
Your voice like white noise
As you drift on
Past the pain of everyday life
I knew you
In a life that went before
When things were simple
A time nights were what we lived for
Standing by the fire
Plastic cups in one hand
Your in the other
Friends we were sure would last
Making the most of the time we had
Skipping class
Seeing how far we could
go on a single tank of gas
Who knew how quick
the time would come to pass
I wear smile
I swear I won't forget
I see you in the those familiar places
All the streets where we roamed
Convinced it would never end
But it fizzled out
And everyone went their separate ways
Raising families and moving away
All except you
We said our goodbye forever

I Do

There was a moment that I hesitated
Only flashes of us, and all we could be
From just that one kiss
You took my hand and told me
I do, understand the connection
And hoped it would always stay
As time passed
Our lives threw us through a loop
Handing us more than
We thought we could carry
Struggling to make it out
Afraid it was a tidal wave
That may take us under
I woke up to you
Close to me with a ring
And I told you
I do, Take you for all that you make me
For all the things you see possible in me
The days seem to blend
The next thing I know
You've become my best friend
But life has had its fair share of hardship
We've been dealt with our own sorrow
But you were there
At my weakest point
When I wasn't a me we could recognize
We've learned that each breathe is a blessing
That we've created life
And its been given more than it was taken
You've held my hand
Telling me everything will be fine
You told me
I do, want to be the kind of man you can be proud of
The father my children can rely on
Even after all this time has past
The promises you make stick
No matter how hard
How close or far
We struggle to stay connected
But we keep plugging along
doing our best
hoping for the best outcome
I just needed you to hear
I do, want to finish growing old with
That our book isn't over
And with every chapter we grow closer

Just A Dream

The dreams they come to me
Bold and creative they drift
In and out of conciseness
I hear them calling my name
Pulling the strings of my heart
To a place unknown to me
But I feel the happiness lays there
It surrounds me
Carries me away
The pieces I have been missing
There they wait for me
Falling into place
Freedom of possibility
Send me deeper
Into believing
I am not where I belong
That the chances I saw passing me by
Lay just beyond the next hill
Taking me closer
To whats suppose to be mine
These dreams open my eyes
To what could have been
And what could still be
Grab a bag
Buy a ticket
Catch that plane
To your next home
Will I take that leap
Will I make that connection
In dreams anything is possible
Its where I live out the life
I always hoped for
I count the hours
Till my head meets up with them again
The intensity grows
The yearning breeds resentment
I grow impatient waiting for my time
For everything I have dreamt over a lifetime
To finally come true
Everything happens for a reason?
My body remains here
While my mind wonders
Back to those dreams
The ones that break my heart
For I know I must stay
That I cannot go
So they remain just what they are
Just dreams....that have fallen apart
Drifted out of my sight
Replaced with another plan
Replaced with some Else's needs
They were just my dreams
Slipped away or so it seems....

useLESS

Roaming freely
Weary of what lays ahead
Trusting to easily
In the things that seem to disappear
Lazily they fall
Exposing them all
For what they didn't appear to be
Another fight song
Living in a soundtrack
Another tearful love duet
To remind me of our regret
While time slips by
I look to you
With the questions of why
We take, we give
A bad name to the intimacy we felt
Words of war
Words spoken in lust
Either way they tear us down
Leaving us betrayed
I walked into the wrong door
Making a connection
That would soon enough
Lead to the undoing
Of everything I have built
Unknowingly paving the path
For the damaging effect
Of loving someone like you
Maybe my mistake
For trusting the words you said
Thinking feeling like those
Could spread
But we both knew
There would be no happy ending
And we just played pretend
For a moment in time
it was just what I needed
Its hard to regret
Only sorry I let my guard down
And let you effect me in certain ways
We closed down this tiny bar
Then I let you bring me into your world
I'm your favorite pawn
In this game we play
Who knew it could eventually lead to this

What You Need To Hear

I thought I knew you
Hiding from the truth
The lies they are buried deep
All the things you wish to hide
You can try to wish the mistakes away
Cover them up the best you can
The imperfection
Are what you make them out to be
You forget the words
You speak only what lays in between
Near or far
Scared of what the future holds for you
So you sit idly time stands still
Waiting for you to answer the call
You could go anywhere
Be anything
But you choose to bow out
Hiding away
The treasures you keep
Only to yourself
While others envy what you hold
You can be more than what you appear to be
But you have chosen to have a painted face
Just treading water
Just trying to keep up with the pace
That everyone has set for you
You say you've been hardened
Feelings your unsure you can repeat
How can you go on?
When so much has been lost
Your to busy asking why me
Pity yourself
Take it up a notch
Step outdoors
Out of your comfort zone
Try to be something you have always wanted to be
Try something you've only wished you could do
At some point you have to get yourself a clue
And see how beautiful you are
Everyone sees it
If only you saw what they do
The life you could be living
The life you could be loving
Appreciating all those little moments
Instead of taking them for granted
All the things you could be embracing
Instead of pushing away
You let the depression sink you
The depth of sadness drags you under
If you could only see your life is worth saving
That the sun shines on another day
Even when your eyes remain closed
These words vibrate through me
As the you, I am talking to is really me

Without a Trace

The barriers stand tall
Bracing for the impact
My rage surfaces
And fades
I can't fake what I can't pretend
The happiness swells
Leaving me breathless when it leaves
Emptiness is cold
Shivering, waiting for the release
I lack, but still I remain faithful
In this life
The tracks have been laid
So tired of my place
Afraid I will end without a trace
Owning up to words
So hard
When the time has already been spent
Apologies for mistakes
Guilt and regret fill the cracks
Over time there have been plenty
Words have broken and frayed my edges
I hush my insecurities
While they run over
Buried inside my head
To empty to sleep
To heavy to awaken
Lost in a world somewhere in between
I still remember wishing days away
Just to get to night so I can dream
But now it reminds me to much
Of the person I used to be
And all the pieces I let go
That I have hidden and forgotten
Sadly I admit  the time has pasted
In the corner they are brushed
Forever waiting for a tomorrow
That might never be found
I feel the weight crushing me
And so I carry through another day
My shoulders hang a little lower
My movements become slower
I burn low till I am I am no longer
Able to carry out this game
I drop this load
Waiting for it to start all over again

Starting Anew

Leaving the past behind
Looking for a place to start
Keeping mind open
Trying to be smart
Making sure I stay on track
Looking forward instead of back
Its like I was once lost
Laying crowded amongst all this mess
Things that were tossed aside
Clouded by the past
I carry the weight
The shadows have left behind
Its time to bury
Whats been holding on tight
Leaving me breathless
Tearing me at the seams
So easy to say
So hard to carry through
But my day is new
The outlook couldn't be more promising
My confidence in myself
Although wavering
Its there shinning through
My smile begins to beam with pride
I'm making a comeback
Proving to myself I'm worth
All the things others said I wasn't
Keeping myself centered
When everything is confused
For things that don't fit into place
I stumbled, I've fallen to my knees
I managed to keep walking
After all this time
The road has been full of bad luck
Still I keep pushing for something better

When Time Expires

In the blink of an eye
Its over and done
The places we've been
Turned into to dust
Just a flash
The memories fly by
Crumbling away
They rust and fall
Not forgiven by time
Our innocents lost
Our love over rated
Judged for the things we weren't
Accomplishing so much
Fizzling, burning out
How this is not a shock
We torture out past
Picking it apart
Looking for any reason
To erase it
To rewrite it
The logic is confused
For something it is not
Moving forth
An option not taken
And often forgotten
But it separates us
From those who linger there
And those who learn and grow
We make mistakes
We embrace forgiveness
Always counting the ways
To make things right
When lies leave us behind
Placing blame
On others weakness
Taking advantage
When someones lost their way
Just to be someones Savior
To be at your feet
On bended knees
This is what we've come to
How will your picture be painted
When time expires?