Just For Me

Falling in again
Getting carried away
Feet glued in place
Hands remain steady
Pushing the divider
Till it shatters
Talking till someone hears
The words make sense
Even when spoken out of place
Creativity spills
Over flowing
Tired of holding back
Hanging on by a thread
For most days
Passing by
Dangling by a fingertip
I choose to get up
While moving forward
I will believe
In everything that makes me
My poker face
Shows no fear
Of the lines unwritten
The tales yet to be told
Wishes I blow away
Hoping they find
Their way back to me
Making my dreams come true
Turns to nightmares
When you fall short
Of the finish line
The weight of failure
Holds tight to your heart
Embraces the pain that lingers on
And still I live in this hollowed form
That once embodied me at my finest hour
There was a time I didn't have to pretend
The doors weren't closed
The sunlight shined bright
Through curtains of sheer
Making things clear
A light shined its way
Just for me

And We Danced

Its like an old song
On an old jukebox
Skipping in time
We two step
On an empty dance floor
We pretend the time hasn't passed
No change in the scenery
Just those same brown eyes
Starring back like before
We'll blink the song will be over
Life will continue
Without missing a beat
Our bodies move together
Across the open tiles
Pressed together like one
The raspy speakers
Crackle familiar melodies
We try and recreate
All those tender memories
Before the years have emptied us
Holding steady
Trying not to slip apart
From the us that was here
So many years ago
New lovers
A fresh new start
Now trying to out run the past
That keeps us from moving forward
But we dance tonight
Slowly sliding our feet
Over the familiar dance floor
My head rest on your shoulder
Your hands cradle me
We sway putting the song on repeat
Making sure we don't miss a beat

Forgotten Spaces

My mind a curse
The words pulling
at my mouth
Trying to escape
The circle of my madness
My heart a burden
It feels the the things
That slip in between
Seeping in to the cracks
Planting the roots of doubt
Even trees can grow
In concrete jungles
This heart made of stone
Over years of being abused
A mind being misused
Not pushing myself
To my full abilities
Floating through a lifetime
Looking for a change
With eyes closed
Mistakes leave their stamps
As if I'm a passport
While my soul flies
My feet have never the ground
I have been lucky to have all this love
It surrounds
But unable to penetrate the walls I've built
My mind like a fortress
That's overflowing with the lines
That are connect it to my heart
I think so I am
I know so I fell
Alone, shun from my very own life
No one feels the words that flow
Raging waters that pour
Sending me out to open waters
Forcing me out of my comfort zone
I don't give up
I shut down
When confronted with my own insecurities
No balance of reassurance and confidence
I hang out in the middle
Somewhere lost in the forgotten spaces
Waiting for some to discover
All my possibilities

I

I fell from my grace
Never a picture of a lady
If I was angel
My halo would hang crooked
I don't make excuses
I behave the way that makes me happiest
Sorry if it offends
I dance in shade
Dipping on and off the edge
Tiptoe I spin
Least expected to carry my own
Fearless is a bluff
I've never been one
To hurt others for sport
I've been someones first
I've been someones last
Love can feel like a punishment
Giving so much
Expecting nothing in return
Its an outrageous game we play
You pull
You push
Trying to figure out where we belong
Trying to fit the pegs in the right slot
I've dreamt so many dreams
Its taken over my reality
I've never been crowned queen of anything
Proper I am not
I speak of things you wish not to hear
I speak of the truth
Pinning down all your fears
My manners are subtle
And often delayed
Expectations weave through me
Holding my odds and ends together
Its gets hard to remain faithful
To the me I am suppose to be
Looping the threads that hold
My existence together
I drift from my favorite part of me
Afraid I will drown
In the sea of followers
Shading my eyes from the truth
Of where I belong
I have accepted who I am
Why is so hard for others to
I stand proud
While others hide behind covers
Only to point out others flaws
And short comings
I live in a bubble of contradiction
Without a direction
I carry on

Time Swings On

The pendulum swings back and forth
Ticking on it speaks to me
Asking me to make choices
Telling me to follow dreams
Tangled and tortured
My heart sighs
Regrets of paths not chosen
Mind shutting down
Mapping new routes
Muscles ache
From paving new roads
Lines intersect
Complication take the lead
Walking backwards
When all I want to do is move forward
Not exactly physically stuck
Mentally unable to recount
The days I've laughed
That I've felt free
From my own personal burden
I focus on the light
That flickers at the end of the tunnel
Moving forth
I set sail
Taking a new direction
Its never about what I can't have
But what I am hiding
Letting it rest beneath the surface
Afraid of the outcome
When I finally pull the trigger
Exposing the truthful me
The words that blend
Into the very soul and heart of me
Another place and time
I would have had the space
To let my imagination run free
Tackling the dreams
Making them all come true
The time has become short
The space remains small
Closing in
Images fading
Making space for someone Else's needs
Selfish I no longer am
And the tole I have paid

Waiting For You

The window awaits
A gentle breeze escapes
Cool it captures me
Bleak are the landscapes
That surround this house
If only I could pull the shades
And let the scenery fade
Maybe if you were near
I would allow myself to care
It might be the lack of you
That leaves my world colorless
I am anything but weightless
While I wilt away
Waiting for my love to arrive
Save me from my prison
The loneliness has risen
Taking a hold of me
Maybe I'm yours to keep
Its possible I'm lying
To keep you on your feet
Only time tells the secrets
That we hold so sacred
Instead of telling you
I sit and write it down
In a notepad in the darkness
Imagining the lines I'd whisper
To the deepest part of your heart
I still sit waiting for you
While the vast space pushes us apart
You visit me in dreams
Wanting to be held by you
Ripes me at my seams
As soon as your bag hits the floor
Your off and out the door again
Leaving my feeling drained
Starving and hungry for you
And all the things only you can do
Find me
Put these pieces back together
Fix me
Take a hold of me
Mold me back to who you fell in love with
She is still in here lost and forgotten

I'll Never Be

I've never been full of grace
I sing out of tune
I'm shy
I take things too serious
And yet sometimes not serious enough
I've been a loner
Never traveling in the in crowd
I enjoy a good song
A great book
A pencil A paper
That's where I find my comfort
You see what you want
An attitude I carry
Protects the feelings I want to hide
I've never been soft spoken
If cornered I'm hurtful and mean
The worst traits I own come out
From a dark place that doesn't feel like me
I've never been bright and cheery
A deep thinker running words through my head
Making stories as I've gone along
I obsess over the small things
While I sweep the big ones under the rug
I complicate and tangle words
I laugh at inappropriate times
I itch my neck when I am nervous
When I've lied I let it eat at me till I am truthful
I've never been good at being organized
But I cannot stand being late
Going back on words makes me furious
Hate being snuggled on while I am sleeping
I'm a free spirit that has been anchored
Bound by my own insecurities
I search for approval
But am so scared of judgement
I'm a believer in dreaming
But somehow forgot about living
All those dreams out
Sometimes I am confused
Who is this person staring back at me
The face in mirror so familiar but new
I bit my lip when I'm trying not to laugh
I make jokes
And break down and act crazy
Just to make myself smile
There is always a brighter light to every side
An outlook that's taken me so long to see
There are things I will never be
Those are the things that weren't meant for me
And there are so many things that wait
Those pieces of me eventually will be discovered

Woman

I am a woman
I create something
Out of nothing
I fix whats been broken
And give it a new name
I stress endless nights
Sleepless worry
I pace these halls
A purpose to carry
The world on my shoulders
I wear a smile upon my face
Not giving into the darkness
I light up the nights
Making wishes on stars
That eventually burn away
But I am a woman
I love with all of me
I forgive often
I forget never
I have gentle words
But my tongue can lash out
It Stings with a crack
I live in confusion
Chaos is my comfort
I'm a bearer of life
A vessel of breathe
Turning myself out
To deliver them
To this unforgiving world
I am a women
I break easily
But have gotten use to
Building myself up stronger
Becoming wiser
Naive I once was
Just a girl, a child
Breaking all the rules
But I have moved on from that
Becoming the woman I am today
Always trying to be better
Than the day before
I am proud
When I awake and stand
With each new day
Because I am a women
I am stronger than you'll ever feel
Something you will always wish to be
But the molds were broke
When they created me

Here We Are Again

Dangerous, your eyes tell me
A story about deceit
Wildly I imagine us in tangled
I could careless about my rescue
The lips tell me to stay away
That your nothing but trouble
But your body pulls me in closer
Fighting is useless
I've come to you willingly
There is no map
To tell us how this should go
We just are here
A single moment
I could have been anywhere
I could have been anything
We were meant to cross paths
At any cost
An open book,
Waiting for my pages to be read
I hide nothing
Exposing myself for you to discover
Flattery has gotten you everywhere
We've never been able to let go
But with each other
There is no reason to hold back
I will leave under the cover of night
You'll never admit the feelings you've caught
Finding weakness in I love you
But the reason you come back is apparent
We find ourselves folding
Under the pressures of our separate lives
We give in to each others lust
Capturing us in this old rerun
A heart unlike mine
The words you try so hard to reach
Unable to pull them through
All the walls
It never been about the finish or the end results
Somehow you've always manage to pull me back in
With no promises I stay

Out With the Old

Suspended here I lay
Maybe my face will appear one day
A broken window reflections
Say what we used to be
What we only want to see
A distant glow
A faded sign
A handful of meaning
Tossed into the wind
Its a picture torn and frayed
Sunset in the afternoon
A day ending to soon
Sweeping me into the shadows
Slow dancing under moonlight
My whole world spins
And your persistence wins
Watching this girl wavering
I kiss the light
My voice quavering
While I whisper goodnight
Alone I stand
Greatly misunderstood
Mixed up confused feelings
Arise early in the morning
Shackled to my bed
This is the road
And this is where its led
I drowned out the words so unkind
I bet when your the first
I'm the last thing on your mind
I am sick of being someone
I never believed in
Today I change it all
Strip away the old watching it fall