I'll Never Be

I've never been full of grace
I sing out of tune
I'm shy
I take things too serious
And yet sometimes not serious enough
I've been a loner
Never traveling in the in crowd
I enjoy a good song
A great book
A pencil A paper
That's where I find my comfort
You see what you want
An attitude I carry
Protects the feelings I want to hide
I've never been soft spoken
If cornered I'm hurtful and mean
The worst traits I own come out
From a dark place that doesn't feel like me
I've never been bright and cheery
A deep thinker running words through my head
Making stories as I've gone along
I obsess over the small things
While I sweep the big ones under the rug
I complicate and tangle words
I laugh at inappropriate times
I itch my neck when I am nervous
When I've lied I let it eat at me till I am truthful
I've never been good at being organized
But I cannot stand being late
Going back on words makes me furious
Hate being snuggled on while I am sleeping
I'm a free spirit that has been anchored
Bound by my own insecurities
I search for approval
But am so scared of judgement
I'm a believer in dreaming
But somehow forgot about living
All those dreams out
Sometimes I am confused
Who is this person staring back at me
The face in mirror so familiar but new
I bit my lip when I'm trying not to laugh
I make jokes
And break down and act crazy
Just to make myself smile
There is always a brighter light to every side
An outlook that's taken me so long to see
There are things I will never be
Those are the things that weren't meant for me
And there are so many things that wait
Those pieces of me eventually will be discovered