In My Words

I give my life to you
Readers of my soul
My words
My treasures
That sparkle and shine
Through the darkness of my tears
The sadness and all my fears
That lay behind the locked doors
In the labyrinth of my heart
The key has been lost and forgotten
The thoughts that form
The emotions that spill across my page
Bearing it all for you to see
Exposing my guilty pleasure
My fallen plans
My words that skip along
To the beat of my heart
Putting a meaning behind the feeling
Looking through a window
Telling a story
Filling in the blanks
Sometimes its looking so much like a mess
Stringing the thoughts together
In a mad romance
My heart and mind so close
Yet drifting further apart
Unable to keep the connection
Blending and forming a relationship
Unlike anything I've felt
Pulling myself inside out
To discover the lines that hide
So deep behind my eyes
The despair that keeps life in motion
Waiting for something to come full circle
To radiate comfort
To understand why smiles can hurt
And tears can be happy
Why is nothing what it seems
In the void comes a light
The words that give meaning to my voice
They give me power
When I am helpless
They piece me back together
Wanting nothing more in return
Than to be heard
They ease the longing that burns within
My words have a heart and soul of their own
Melting into mine
We've become one

The Past

My heart slices
Smooth as razors edge
My words strike
No thought of regret
No feeling of sorrow
For the friends I've lost
Or lovers I have hurt
The truth will set me free
I don't linger in the past
If I stand still I am bound
To have the memories
Catch up to me
The feelings should live there
In the past where they were left
Clinging to my coat tail
I never look over my shoulder
It would take pieces of me
I harden my heart
All the years of pain
The abuse of three simple words
That always complicate
The trust I gave so freely
Naive to the reality of it all
That sticks and stone can break your heart
And words you cannot ever take back
No matter how many times you say your sorry
The emptiness paints a picture
Of someone with no heart
Cold and frozen over
The blood still pumps
For no other reason than to stay alive
I breathe in I breath out
I find solace in being on my own
So I can not longer be infected
By those I thought I knew
I don't believe in lies
But they seem to be there all the time
Feeling can shatter a home
Can breed regret
I can pretend very well
But prefer to rebuild alone
The only one I can completely trust
Has always laid within me

In Motion

I only think of you when I feel the pain
from missing you
When my heart feels broken
And I feel so plain
Like I hold nothing special
Since you've gone away
The nights are darker
The days feel the same
I wonder around aimless
I feel the shame of the empty spaces
Where you once belonged
I pushed you till you fell apart
Desperate for space
I waited caught up in the dreams
You always seemed to promise
But unable to come through
When I needed you most
Its for the best they all say
And maybe it is
But it doesn't change the way I feel
Or make this pain any less real
I've salvaged what was left of my heart
Packed my bags
To wave goodbye to someone
That was never as honest as they said
I'll work out this mess in my own time
Iron out the wrinkles you left on my heart
Your silence speaks volumes
I can no longer let you value my self worth
It was mistake to allow you that privilege
The abuser of time
The killer of dreams
But without you I am a blank canvas
Waiting for the colors of life to paint my horizon
There is limitless possibilities
But only one for someone like you
Sentence to walk alone
In foot steps of others
Who could not open up and love another
For those who have taken and never given
My life is constantly in motion
Moving forward
Moving on

Writer

Making my dreams come true,
Can be a true nightmare
Being a writer I feel bound to my thoughts
Sleepless nights on edge
The words echoing in my head
Shackling myself to the past
Worried if the future will bring
The one thing that wakes me in the night
Reaching for a pen a paper
Before the thoughts have been lost
The torture of paying attention to others
While the words run wild in my head
I lie to myself that I will give it up in time
But its a part of who I am
The piece that fits and makes me whole
It puts meaning to the things that seem so confusing
Its hard to bare my soul when I stand alone
But my paper doesn't judge
It absorbs my words and eases the fear
Helps me to stand proud of that part of me
I secretly was in the comfort of my mind
Not everyone will understand the yearning I have
To place my feelings into words
Exposing my biggest fears and flaws
For others to see and have opinions on
Poems are the stories of my heart
The colors I paint my life with
May seem bleak and may be misunderstood
Others read what they want to see
Opinions don't change how I feel inside
So writing I will continue to do
As long is there is breathe
And life flows to these hands
I will express what comes to mind
Whether it reaches anyone at all or not
I refuse to put my dreams in a closet
Locked up tight to please others
Its like a missing piece to a puzzle
Take me for everything I am
If you can handle the truth I tell
I am hard enough on myself
My biggest critic
Always reaching for some new accomplishment
But this is just who I am
I am a writer from my heart to my soul
It is who makes me feel one hundred percent whole

Cannot Change Me

I hide the answers
You desperately seek
The power struggle continues
Positioning myself for the win
I look down from my tower
Built from the broken hearts
Of past lovers
I can only hope you get bored
That you'll forget and leave
The questions you ask
Are ones I've spent time covering
I will do anything to avoid
The judgement your eyes hold
You think I may eventually crack
That no one can remain this strong forever
But that's what others have said
Challenging the promises I've made to myself
I have given myself this power
By holding the secrets that are tied to my heart
To myself I am always true
Since no one else gave that to me
When I was mistreated and lied to
I reach for another to fill their space
But those vanished too
Leaving me without a trace
Maybe it was me trusting to easily
I will never be a damsel in distress
Putting my fate in a prince that may never come
I've been sappy love sick
Its never done me any good
Clouding my judgement
Instead of seeing the things they were not
I have been my own savior
I have wiped my tears
And picked myself up walked away
When everything was lost
But the small glimmer of hope
That someone else could love me
That they would never lie or leave me alone
But in the end it was only just me
So if you think this is just an act
You will sadly be mistaken
When you realize you can't change me
So I will stay hidden
Away from your magnifying glass
Where I can finally feel free
From the worry of anyone else leaving me

Ticking Time

The clocks been ticking down
From the moment I was born
I've always been a touch of a dreamer
Imagining there would always be time
To start this life over
To change the winds direction
I've been busy floating along
Going with the current
That gently pulls me away
While others have planned
Out the future
That I am unable to look forward to
Stuck inside myself
Willing the words to rise
Hoping they won't complicate
Whats been felt
I've been floating
Off in the atmosphere
Waiting for a lifeline
To bring me back in
To realize the world will spin
Even after I have gone
That I am just a speck
In a moment in time
Waiting to be uncovered
Among the rest
As the dust settles
My heart is busy pulling me
In any direction but the right one
Since the day I discovered
I  am powerless to these thoughts
That retrace my last steps
They lead me away
From the me I used to be
Waking in a foreign country
Unable to speak or understand
A single word
I am more than this skin
That I feel buried in
Misunderstood and confused
for someone else
That I could never really be
Yes there is way more to me
And this is not the end

A New Home

Maybe I've been wrong
For always thinking I was right
I waited for you to walk away
To make sure mine was the last word
Just so I could say I was the winner
I was to busy to realize I was on the loosing end
I push buttons
When I ought to give up and give in
I push till there is no room left
I know I'm flawed
From wearing my heart upon my sleeve
For so long, I let others dictate my feelings
That I've masked the true me
When you loved me it was the part
That you saw, only in glimpses
I never fail to make a scene
But when I'm loving
You know its all been just a front
The strength you carry
is something that I truly admire
The reality should have set in by now
That you wish to stay
When all I've done is push
And run away
I've put you through hell
And with every test I have failed
But you keep coming back
When I'm scared and don't know what to do
I find myself turning to you
Maybe this does mean you've won
The heart that once was made of stone
Beats once again
And calls to you
Its new home
Where the old meets the new
Giving me hope that yesterday is over
And today has just begun

YesterYear

Trying to protect my heart
While time passes
And I strain to focus on the good
That this world may yet hold for me
If tears were money
I'd be a millionaire
I could wish we never met
I would have never known the joys
I always felt with you
Even though you are no longer here
The memories we shared
The moments you made me feel you cared
The bittersweet songs
That remind me of the stories we would tell
You gave me the words of wisdom
The strength to move on
But I don't see you today
Your memories they fade
No matter the imprint you made
On my youthful heart
Your voice like white noise
As you drift on
Past the pain of everyday life
I knew you
In a life that went before
When things were simple
A time nights were what we lived for
Standing by the fire
Plastic cups in one hand
Your in the other
Friends we were sure would last
Making the most of the time we had
Skipping class
Seeing how far we could
go on a single tank of gas
Who knew how quick
the time would come to pass
I wear smile
I swear I won't forget
I see you in the those familiar places
All the streets where we roamed
Convinced it would never end
But it fizzled out
And everyone went their separate ways
Raising families and moving away
All except you
We said our goodbye forever