I stand in the rain
Waiting on you
Our time passes slow
Creeps up beside us
Trading the spaces
We believe that its all possible
Maybe then it was
But we crawl on, bit by bit
IT keeps us breathing
Keeps us hoping
That time will tell us which way to go
But its never that easy
Eventually we have to make a choice
Even if we miss the boat
There is always a tomorrow
So hold me close don't let your hands slip
It may feel wrong but at least we're not alone
And someday we'll know that its more than this
That being free was only fun till I was caught by you
And that was my choice
I made it so long ago
We may have changed
And life might have made this so
But with you I have the strength to renew everyday
You have brought your share of complications
I know I am not free of burden myself
Together it just makes sense
Apart just a mess
A Hurricane wouldn't stand a chance
We spin ourselves out
With every crack we grow
Learning that life and love are not pretty
But if its real its worth it......

Strength burns within
I'm not what I always seem to be
And my heart often lays to far from my head
Stranger to myself
When the pain fills the void
I stay standing not letting it knock me
Hanging on till that better day
My skin hurts and my hair falls to the floor
Life has a plan, and I'm afraid this is mine
But I am still here thankful for another day
I'm a women and my scars tell my story
There are to many odds that are counting on me to fail
But lucky there are plenty that aren't
I commit to myself to making myself better
Let the sunshine roll over my skin
Warming me and freeing the ache that lays in my bones
I stumble on lazy days from time to time
My body just says no when my mind yells go for it
Deep down I know I can
without me this world would be a different place
I feel some days letting my hands slip free
But I know its not that easy
A life where darkness reins
I put a smile when the feelings are absent
The power I hold is always leaping from me
I paste stars where there is none and wish on them
Is this all that's meant from me
I sing when I feel like I am dying
I dance instead of crying
letting go of the things that drag me down
Freeing my body of the weight of sadness
It poisons my heart
I pull it together when it stretches so far
I balance my sickness
And direct myself out of self pity
I scream in the wind and it carries it away
I need help but to proud to ask
So I'll keep on fighting till my last breathe
And know, I might dangle close to the edge
I will never let go

Powerless to your will
Oh little white pill
You've been there more than a dozen times
Picked me up shook me off
Made me new, made me forget about the pain
Flying and not caring about ever being grounded
I've found myself pleading for your surrender
But I turn to you instead
Color runs dry
opaque and bleak
there seems no end in sight
Sleepless warrior
Pacing the same streets, familiar corners meet
And there you were
Loving you more than I ever loved myself
You flow through me connecting the loose ends
Making me feel brighter than the sun
Lying to myself this will be your last time
But you infect my mind consuming every itch
Your the reason I have failed
And yet I cannot leave you alone
I felt the cold and do not like it
You quiet the voice in my head
The one that tells me I am not good enough
You empty my emotions
The fears I let go
Comfort in the shadows
My name no one needs to know
You've become my hand to hold, Why can't you let go
Your hooks deep in my skin
You wash through my veins
And I feel complete again
White powder your test I will fail
I can't get you off my mind
Everyone else has come and gone
You've driven the wheel steering me here
Sightless, tilting, wavering
Your spell has been casted
My demons lay still
while you're here creating new ones
Taking advantage of my weakness
Just this one last time I will give in
And let you wash me away....

Shatter

Its hard to make things work
A key in a door not a match
Maybe I'd be better off shattered
The slightest words hurt
The deepest emotions felt
When there seems like there is nothing left
Another cut, a jab slicing me down
Maybe there is no reason to stand
Behind it all, drilling through
You think it will make a difference
it only makes you weak
And the disappointment is to bitter to taste
I'm not strong enough to hold this world up
These shoulders have been over loaded
I feel if I am about to shatter
even if I don't mean too
Its taking all my strength just to keep up
I'm unable to run this marathon
I have no truth in a room full of lies
They black out everything I have meant to say
Maybe I'm one too
Just a whispering rumor floating around these walls
My heart, Broken at the seams
Its only a matter of time
Before it shatters
Wake up before the road ends
The cliffs are high and the bottom is endless
If only I could go back before I made that wrong turn
Mistakenly lead down the wrong paths
Here anyhow, faithless I hang
In my head I am anywhere and everywhere
Opening my eyes I am somehow frozen in time
The ice shatters and the truth confronts me
The sadness consumes me
Happiness in ignorance somehow I was awoken
Wish I could go back
I wish my hopes weren't shattered
By my own doings, I was wrong
And I've known this all along

Pieces of me fall away
Some for heartbreaks
others for lost friendships
Trading a few in for someone who was never true
More for a person I never really knew
Pieces drift circling around me till they are gone
A part goes to the ones who made me
Some to the falling tears that keep me human
A few for true loves touch
More than just a few for the little ones
That have they're little hands around my heart
Strip away the ones that I have never needed
The pieces I never really like anyhow
Saving only the special ones for the ones that count
Giving away pieces to the ones that need me
And nothing to those that don't
Shedding whats always been there
Dancing on my finger tips till they disappear
Some for the sadness that lingers nagging in my head
A piece for the happiness that lays with my family
They seem to fall all around me
I am surprised I have anything left
But there it is
Some for the sunshine that brings me to life
Always a piece for those who make me laugh
That bring light to my world
Unfortunately some for those who have back stabbed
And have misused and tangle my trust
The ones that have broken certain piece of me
I willing give those back to them
A piece goes to my white dress and bands of gold
Your hand in mine
Eyes of wonder and smiles that melts my heart
I gladly give the very last of my being for all of you
But still there seems to be one last piece
And to my surprise its just for me

My heart grows distant as days pass
And I'm tired of being alone
We live together but not side by side
Miles separate us and grow further apart
Where have we gone to
My love that question echoes through me
Empty without you
Quiet the house has become
No laughter in the house that once was a home
The sunset are lonely
no good morning kiss
You are in a hotel somewhere I don't know
The phone calls are distant
But still I sit and wait for them each day
I know each week you'll be coming home to me
and yet its like we are stranger
Tip toeing around each other
Afraid to move for this might just be a dream
And I will awake and our bed will be empty
I have never thought our love would turn on us
That we would be struggling for a meaning
for any reason to come together
I smile while I cry inside
Tears of being abandond knowing you'll be gone soon
You do this for us so I bite my tongue
With each goodbye a piece of me goes with you
And you'll call again and the words will fall in between
we struggle not to fall apart
Stuffing the words down to keep it together
The phone will ring and I will tell you what you need to hear
I am doing fine
When I am screaming inside come home
I'll make you feel like its alright
You need to know just one thing before your gone again
I miss you so very much and my life just isn't complete without you
So please just come home so we can be a family again
The way we were meant to be

Maybe I am where I suppose to be
Always looking back at the roads I've chosen
They seem to have lead me here
Stuck in the middle of no where
Regret is so easy
Being accountable is not
Longing to be forgiven by others
Its easier than forgiving yourself
Lessons are only taught through living
Expectations always looming over head
Life like swirling in the drain
Like hiding under covers
Dancing blindly whirling though this world
The less time you have the faster it seems to go
Yesterday I wish someone had told me that
It tears me apart that today is all over
And Tomorrow is not a promise
I walk on tip toes
I walk on tightropes
Without a net
The threat I might fall hovering on my back
And I can't help but look behind myself
Back to what lead me to this point
Do I give up? Bite my lip and hope it goes away
If I keep pushing down these feelings
eventually they will over flow
spilling out unable to push all that has surged
I stand like a soldier, trying not to show my fears
That maybe I've made a mistakes
And I'm not sure I am ready to admit it
So move forward go on pretend nothing lays beneath
That nothing has jaded me that my sun still shines

Reflections
Just mirror images of what we appear to be
Escaped by our reality
Flashes exposing restless souls
Take a good look
Its what surrounds that makes us whole
Maybe its fate or a misunderstanding
Whatever it may be or what it might not be
still its who we have become
so suffocating
Like treading water with no land in sight
The wait is the hardest part
Idly passing time
Slowly it slips falling away
Playing me like a broken instrument
Never in tune with you
But still you strum on
Broken strings and all
Waiting to see if you play your cards
Always dealt the joker, I fold
I fell like a token in your game
But this is life
If not mine then who's?
Dreams painted by you
images thrown together
Blurred visions turned to cloudy skies
Confused why things always happen this way
How I had everything and nothing all at once
A mere blemish in the world
Always searching as I wandered
Fighting to get outside
To be away from all that separates us
Truth is we are not going anywhere
We have become to tied down to all that surrounds us
Its all taken ahold, embedded itself
Call it what you will I won't take all this blame
I have bleed and shed my fair share of tears
And yet I still stand here.....